I once had a client excuse their obligation for a rather large invoice with the reasoning that I shouldn't "take it personally - it was just business". I ended up a few thousand dollars poorer - but much richer. I realized that he was really wrong. Not only should he have paid the bill, but he, a small business owner, should have been the first to admit that small business is - in fact - very personal. As a result of the way I handled his issue, my kids didn't get the things they needed. My creditors had to wait as well. His decision not to pay taught me a big lesson.
The ‘X’ Factor
Two decades later, I discovered an 'X' factor that was dominant in my beliefs, attitudes and behaviors – and, yes, in my business practices. I became aware of how connected I had become to my business products and services, and that feedback or criticism triggered emotional defenses. The core beliefs I had innocently collected in my pre-adolescence we’re hanging around, and responsible for a very low emotional tipping point based on fear. I was able to ‘see’ what was happening, and as a result of the awareness, could begin dealing with the root beliefs, the electrical/chemical/physiological patterns sabotaging my joyful and grateful disposition.
Now I can say with sincerity, thank you Steve!
As you know, marriage is also very personal. No matter how you imagine it, your responsibility to your partner doesn't go away because you don't 'feel' like it today.
Proverbs 22:11 reads " A joyful heart is good medicine, but depression drains one's strength." Likewise, a Chinese proverb loosely reads; "man with no smile should not open shop!"
Roles
We have many roles to fulfill. As a parent, a business partner, a spouse, a citizen, a mentor, and more, we can easily perfect the ‘pseudo-selves’ – the public presentation of our personality. it’s our partners and children that see much more clearly. Unfortunately, they can become our worst critics, since they too have ‘blind-spots’ and arrested development to deal with. Often times, we’re the primary contributor to their issues, so they can’t lead us into awareness very well.
Tools
One of the tools we have available to us is the Internet. There are all kinds of ‘groups’ we can join to get outside advice and perspectives. Unfortunately, the perspectives are rarely from an enterprising passion. The advice we get from others can be well meaning, but completely useless. For example, I’ve been counseled many times to ‘get a real job’, rather than continue to chase the entrepreneurial trail. You might agree with me, that this material, based on my challenges, wouldn’t exist, and the value of it wouldn’t be assisting your plight, had I followed the doctors orders and quit exploring.
In the ‘tools’ section we talk about many more assets available to leverage your situation and to get traction in your enterprise.
Arrested Development
This is the core insight and ‘aha’ that Angelina and I found. No matter how sincerely we fulfilled our roles, and practiced with great tools, we constantly ran into upsets. I’d say something, meaning one thing, and she’d hear another. She’d react quietly with a question, and I read it as an attack because she was avoiding my point. Then we go at it. Business for the day would be over, and the whole consultancy would stomp out to ‘take the trash’ 1/4 mile down the road to the dumpster.
Small business IS personal.
Think about the blend of your personal life, and your business for a moment.
- When you and your partner fight - who wins? Your customers?
- When you and your spouse disagree at the office, how does your family know?
My point exactly!
Dealing effectively with our subconscious mind - at the root of the reactive behaviors can be challenging – and very expensive. This is absolutely true and frustrating if we aren’t skilled at ‘renewing our mind’ as admonished in the Book of Romans. (Romans 12:2)
Fortunately we’re not left in the dark, even as our parents were, believing that our minds are rigid, and that our behaviors are fixed. This is the topic of Brain plasticity and Arrested Development.